Friendship & Respect

So here’s what happened with Nicola and  Evan.
I called Nicola and asked if we could Skype, I was in tears after yet again being attacked by Evan and was just over it all.
Nicola said she would be home in about half an hour.

I had screenshots of the conversations and I was emotional.
I asked could she say something to him, does he realise that Drake is not the Drake she was dating earlier in the year and the father of her eldest child?
She wanted to tell me and show me her new puppy.
I told her I was getting afraid when I received a message on Facebook that it would be him and I would have to deal with more abuse and crap.
oh look puppy.
This continued for about half an hour of me on the verge of tears and trying to tell her what I felt and I was sick of the crap from her boyfriend, and her just not getting it or else her telling me maybe to stop the abuse Drake should comment on her stuff on my account… um what would that solve? and we have separate accounts and have friends who overlap and we discuss personal or sometimes confidential stuff with our friends and this isn’t going to stop Evan.
Drake watching me as I look at the computer at my best friend and around her house on Skype comes over and stands behind me, wraps an arm around my shoulders and then in his angry voice tells her that this is ridiculous I am supposed to be her friend, she needs to talk to her partner or set some boundaries on him, or something.
Drake is one of the calmest people I know, he doesn’t yell and our nearly 3 years of dating that’s the first time I have heard him raise his voice and sound pissed off.

That was a Thursday night, Friday night I see her status that she can’t wait to see her sexy loving boyfriend over the weekend.

Saturday comes when he is with her I am still getting messages and abuse.

My blood boils, I realise I mean what feels like nothing to her, I set her profile to restricted and turn off her from showing in my news feed.
I wait for something from her, anything, a ‘hey whats happening’ or a ‘how was your weekend’ nothing.

So I quietly left her in restricted and posted this to Facebook before unfriending her and cutting ties with her:

________________________________________________

Alyce: I feel like last week I learnt my value to some people and sadly I am less valued than I thought I was.

However lesson has been learnt, and maybe in the future you will realised the friendship you have lost.

I know had the shoe been on the other foot I would of valued you and your friendship more.

Comments:

Bell:  love u!! Xxooxx

Alyce: thanks Bell *hugs*

Bell *hugs*

Carlton: yes …

Cher: Their loss they have lost a wonderful person u have many others that value your friendship

Alyce: Thank you Cher *hugs*

Marta: I am here xx

Alyce: Thank you Marta ♡

Ryn: i`m sorry i didn`t catch up with you and i do value your friendship.

Alyce: This wasn’t about you Ryn you are loved and valued.

*hugs*

Alyce: This is about someone who I trusted and valued as a friend a really close friend, who I would of took a bullet for, who this last fortnight I realize what I mean to them.

She can’t see this post as she is in the restricted purgatory of Facebook and I doubt she has noticed.
Her abusive partner has been blocked and in a few weeks she will be unfriended and blocked herself.

Sister-in-law: It’s a painful thing realising you are more invested in a relationship than the other person  I’ve found moving and having kids the biggest revelations as to who cares and who just takes, better to know than be taken advantage of xo

Alyce: It’s painful and has been a blow.

Alice: We’ll always be partners in crime

Alyce: We sure will be Alice

Louise: You’re not talking about who I think you are?

Alyce: I maybe Louise.

I’m not naming them.
But I’m over the abuse of her partner to both Drake and I and her just fobbing it off.

Louise: Ok just assuming I know then (it seems pretty obvious) That’s a damn shame after you reconciling from the last time  I thought there seemed something dodgy about that guy even just from seeing his photo and a few comments he made

Patricia: It’s a shame it has come to that.

Alyce: I know some people may screen shot and send this to her.

But at the same time, if your friend is calling in tears and whilst your boyfriend is there for a dirty weekend and still sending your friend abuse then something has to give.

I’m not forcing her to chose as her actions she’s chosen him already.
Maybe one day years from now she will realise who she lost because of him.

Patricia: If anyone sends this to her then they are not worth your friendship.

Louise: You’ve always seemed to have your head screwed on right Alyce. I think sometimes people can just be blinded by puppy love and not see the truth, loose their way and forget about friends, sad really. Especially once it becomes an abusuve relationship, they have a way of cutting you off from friends without you even realising it. But I hope she knows this guy well enough to be having him around the kids

Alyce: I’ve posted that 8 warning signs of an abusive relationship and could already get him on 6.

I told her each one but yes she is blinded by puppy love.

The kids like him but are seeing him at his best.

I wouldn’t trust him personally.

Bell: So sad that i see so many people letting their boyfriend take 24/7 priority and their friends who have always been there lpse out  hopefully if she is in an abusinve relationship she figures it out before something really bad happens. I wasnt so lucky and had to do alot of healing, physically and psychologically, but at least i never let him cut me off from my good friends.

______________________________________________
Louise, Patricia, Nicola and I all went to primary and secondary school together.
It was a day later I unfriended Nicola on Facebook and removed her from Skype as well as deleted and blocked her phone number.
I haven’t heard anything from her and that was early December, it’s now late January.
Whilst shopping over the Christmas period and out with friends I would see something and go oh take a photo and send to Nicola, or I should buy that for Nicola she would like it, and then remember that I have cut her out of my life.

It was a tough decision to make and to actually do, but I was over the abuse and it not getting no where.

Maybe I did the wrong thing and should of stuck by her, maybe I did the right thing and got out of a friendship that had turned toxic.
I did what was best for Drake and me.
It was causing fights between us, and me to stress to much.
I was scared to receive messages.

22 years of friendship for a boyfriend of 2 months.
better luck next time.
I guess I need to find a new best friend.

Threats from Evan

My best friend Nicola has got a new boyfriend, they met on facebook. I’m not one to judge that I met Drake on facebook as well.
Nicola and I have been best friends since prep, our first day of school.

Both our families had recently moved to Barkly and neither of us had attended the local kindergarten that funneled the children to that particular primary school (if you attend kinder A you will 90% go to Primary School A, you attend kinder B you will most likely attend school B)

We’ve been through her high shcool boyfriends who were dicks, my highschool boyfriend who she rescued me at 2am from his room before we’d got to the having sex part.

So she broke up with her boyfriend and eldest childs Dad mid way through this year.
She was taking a break from men but wanted sex.

She met a few guys on a dating app and on a facebook singles/swingers group.

Nicola then starts to hook up with a bloke and he seemed a bit odd but his 6 years younger than us and well us girls in our early twenties were odd and quirky.

Then Evan the new boyfriend started to comment and attack any guy who would comment on any of Nicola’s facebook statuses.  Some of these guys commenting were creepers and creeps she had added from the dating site and group, But as they were only fuck buddies and these were the creepers wanting to know what she was wearing and that typa thing I could see where he was coming from.

Then Evan asked her out and they have lots of cutesey coupley photos, in the first month of their dating Nicola found just over a two hundred snapchat photos of naked woman in just that month they had been dating.
For me that was a bit odd, she skyped and had a cry to Drake and I on Skype.
He then introduced her to his Mum as just a friend.

Again I thought that was odd but his from a different culture and I thought odd but if you have an overprotective parent I can understand that.

Most nights or at least twice a week Nicola and I would skype and Drake would be a part of the skpying cause I wouldn’t have a headset on.

Drake and Nicola are also facebook friends and he comments on her statues every so often.
God I think Drake sometimes talks to my friends more than I do sometimes.

So last week on monday after flying back home and getting a bus to Geringhap we were out shopping with my Aunt (me at the lingerie shop, and at Target – how I have missed those stores) and then went to Safeway and Drake said that Evan had messaged him and called him a cunt.
Just out of the blue, got a message, first ever message from Evan as well.
Drake then showed me the messages, Evan had threatened to bash him because he was in Geringhap  and he would get his cousins and they would kick Drakes head in. Drakes turned around and said hey why don’t we get a drink and have a talk.
Then messaged Nicola and said hey I just got these messages from Evan.

My aunt and I are just what the fucking and Aunt said ‘I hope Nicola’s saying something to him cause I see you girls posting how your like sisters and your besties all the time’
I sent a message and asked whats up with Evan. She replied she wasn’t sure and he wasn’t really answering her.

I had to go to court and was spending time with family and only had the monday – friday to see everyone and didn’t get to seeing Nicola due to time restraints, however I did call and message her.

Monday I was at work waiting at the bank as it was my day to do the banking and was flicking through facebook and seen Nicola had posted about hating mornings, went to comment seen Drake had already and then added my two cents worth in as well.

About lunchtime there was a comment on the status from Evan asking ‘why is that prick commenting on you statues still?’
So I asked if Evan if it was about Drake commenting on Nicola’s facebook… providing that only Drake and I had commented it was pretty obvious.
I just told Evan that Drake will be Nicola’s brother in law and that his comment was uncalled for.
he then posts ‘ha hahahahaha no worries!’
I was pissed and replied that it wasn’t funny and that he owed Nicola and Drake and apology for assuming that something was going on and for his abuse.
he then asked what an apology was.
Me steaming posted you called Drake a cunt, threaten to assault him, which is abuse. You also assume something is going on between Drake and Nicola. oh and would you like me to post a definition of what an apology is.

At this time Drake comments a half hour later and is writing the calming stuff of Nicola is stressed atm lets take it easy.

I was on the last hour of my 10 hour shift when I get a message from Evan asking why I had complained to Nicola about him.

So here is the transcript:

Evan: Why did you complAining about me to nicola???

Alyce: Because you are abusing my boyfriend and your jealousy is an issue.

Evan: Your boyfriend can talk for himself!! Nothing to do with you

Ha hahahah

Am I jelly of what??

Alyce: Ever guy that comments on her page.
He is my partner I love and care about and for him.
You are abusing him.
I take umbrige with that.
Your opening message to him calling him a cunt was uncalled for.
Personally you may make Nicola happy. I think you are a dickhead and she could do better.
I won’t be blocking you, however I request you not contact me in future.
Regards Alyce

I haven’t heard from Nicola since early Monday.
I also may of overstepped my boundaries in saying what I said. However I feel it needed to be said.
If I had of been a guy Evan would of threatened to beat me and up with his cousins.

I have faced bigger bullies than him and came out on top and if he wants to get in to a pissing contest of who’s cousins are worse, mine have been to jail and poured boiling hot water down a guys throat in a fight. So yeah bring it, but unlike you I won’t hide behind my cousins or family, I will front up and I will stand my ground and what and who I believe in.

I may lose my best friend, However my greatest fears were to lose my Mum, my Dad and my Sister, I’ve lost them. My Aunt and Drake who I am afraid to lose have my back.
and I can replace a friend as callous as that sounds.

I’ve faced the guy who assaulted me last year in court and had his lawyer victim blame me and make me doubt myself and feel like I was two feet tall.

Evan buddy you got nothing and you don’t scare me.

Gheringhap

TW: Assault, sexual assault, panic attacks, anxiety

I’m to go back to Gheringhap next month I will see my family see my fur babies and see some of my friends, but probably most importantly I will be going to Court.
Just over a year ago I was assaulted by a guy on my way to work.
I had a guy place his hands down my top and bra then fondle my boob. I didn’t go straight to the police, I didn’t go to his employer.  I caught the train the next day to work, an earlier train to avoid seeing him; that didn’t work so well as he was on that train. I had a panic attack, I could not breath, I called my aunt in a panic and knew I had to go to work, I couldn’t catch a bus home and wait for the next train as the next bus was due in an hour and went in to the city and not in to the suburbs where I lived, I couldn’t walk home as that took nearly an hour and I needed to get to work.
I went in to a different carriage than I normally do, I found a seat near people but where I was alone as advised by my aunt. I didn’t want to sit next to someone.
He came along on his rounds with a ticket inspector. He poked me with his walky talky to say ‘Hi’ I was on the phone to my aunt making up a conversation about did she want me to get her some Nespresso today whilst I was in the city, she was on the other end telling me to breath he will be gone soon, and that I am surrounded by people he can’t do anything to you.
I hyperventilate most of the trip to the city, I tried to to cry but had tears streaming down my face. No other passenger paid attention to me and I was kind of glad for that.
Later that day my cousin rang and told me he was taking me to see the police, or else he would smash the guys head in. I know my cousin that was not an idle threat either.

The third day before work, before getting the train, my cousin picked me up from home and we went to the police station to make a report.
My cousin looks like the sort of bloke you make a report against, not the one who sits with you in a room for support.
He listened as I told the officer what had happened, and watched as I cried, I tried not to look at him as I could see he was getting angry and I think regretting the choice and just wanted to bash the guys head in.

 

It was the fifth day that I was finally sat down for a full interview with a detective. I had to go through all the details, I drew diagrams of places and listed who I had first told.
I didn’t tell him that that day was meant to be a really happy and amazing day I was being featured on a page I love and follow, I had been looking forward to that day for a fortnight, and the guy had ruined that day for me.
I can’t look at that feature anymore without thinking what happened the day it was released.

For the next month I carried on going to work, attempting to avoid the guy, my friends letting me know what shifts he was on.
However I had changed, I was no longer myself, I was a huggy type of person before – now I couldn’t stand to be touched. I was more quiet and more introverted than before. I still made conversations and talked but it felt like a struggle.

I wasn’t coping though I held it together and I went to counseling after my Team Leader got me someone to talk to as it was effecting my work.

 

I worked on a call center my job was answering the phone and questions and customer support.
It had happened on my way to work.
The next thing I knew I was having panic attacks not just coming to work but at work, going on to the phones, taking calls.
I panicked and I stressed I couldn’t hold it together.

My family and my team leader tried to help, I was given time off work, I was now at the stage I would go to work in the  morning over an hours trip away and be at work for just on two hours and be sent home.
I tried to last until each break, have the break and get back on the phones.
My hours got lowered and I was still struggling.

I still could not hug, I was still introverted more than normal. I was a different person, I was quite and I was not me.

It was now December and I was due to have annual leave soon, Drake would be coming to see me, I had been counting down for months!
I was scared I wouldn’t be able to hug or hold him. I was scared I couldn’t be intimate with him.
I was sleeping with my teddy bear besides me each night, I was waking up during the night spewing my guts up, going back to bed and getting up in the morning struggling to go to work, struggling to hold it together and take calls.
The Monday my team leader gave me the if you hand in your resignation you will get an extra weeks pay.
The Wednesday I had my resignation letter typed up, I was going to leave next month in January, a week back from annual leave and then go.
My team leader said why not leave today, that way you don’t have to stress whilst your on holidays or over Christmas, when I handed her my resignation letter on the Friday.
I called my Aunt and I called Drake.
I said I was quitting that day.
I quit due to health reasons.
It was the first job I had quit where I wasn’t going because the contract I was on had been lost.
I felt lost and afraid, I packed my desk up during the day and got through the day. My team got me a bunch of flowers. No hugs goodbye were given.

I was unemployed now, the only income I had was what was in my meager savings account and was actually meant to help me move and to last when I lived with Drake and was job hunting in a new country.

Drake I am had a great holiday and he stayed an extra week. I knew this kept him from his family and I felt bad about that but at the same time I enjoyed having him with me.

I moved in February to Drake’s country.
I went job hunting, I got an interview for a retail assistant and for working in a call center.
I went for the retail  job as I wanted to try something different and the manager had also offered me a job, I just had to be interviewed by head office, and also I was scared of call centers. After the assault and the following panic attacks I was scared.

The interview for the call center job came, I was in the little interview room, I seen the handset/phone it was the same model I had worked with at my last job.
My chest tightened, I struggled to breath, I tried not to panic, I swallowed back the urge to spew.
I got through the interview – somehow.

I got home and had a list of the pros and cons for both jobs.
The call center job paid better, I had worked in call centers for nearly 10 years, I knew what I was doing.
I would be on a lower pay rate at the retail job, but there would be no panic attacks, no looking at the phone and no urges to spew everywhere.

 

I somehow managed to pass both interviews and get offered both jobs.

 

Health wise and panic attacks I took the lower paying job. I make $8 less an hour that’s minimum $280 a week I am missing out on.
That’s saving for a house, that is saving for a holiday, that is being able to afford new clothes and shoes. It’s being able to get health insurance, new glasses and going to the dentist.

That guy took my profession away from me.
I may not be able to give a victim statement next month, so this is basically it.
He took away my confidence, my trust, my ability to hug and to be comforted, my profession and livelihood.
He took away my ability to get a train without having a fear of being attacked, that finds me not able to relax properly on a train, to feel trapped.

Alyce 22nd October 2014 2:19pm

rinse and repeat

Have that All about that Bass stuck in my head at the moment, doesn’t help that it is always playing on the radio.
I think this song in years to come will bring back memories of working 14hr shifts and the panic I am having at the moment of finding out if I fly back home to go to court and if the creep pleads guilty and is honest or if I have to fly back to give evidence and go through that slog.

I need a break and to not panic. It’s me I am panicking and scared.

Alyce 11:10pm 30th Sept 2014

Somethings change some stay the same

Zara has started a new job this week. I am so happy for her and at the same time somewhat jealous.
She’s working at the blue building again. I miss the blue building and spent the better or worst part of nearly five years in that place.
I should explain. The Blue Building is a building that is oviously blue, It used to house a call center that Zara and I both worked at. The company we worked for lost the contract we were working on so we had to find new jobs. It was at the last social club event that Drake came to visit us in Queensgate and where I meet Drake.

After leaving The Blue Building there were manytimes when I was shopping in Qeensgate over the next four or so years that I would instinctively walk that way to go to work.
Every other work place in Australia never felt like ‘home’ like the blue building did.
It’s been about five years since that call center shut and a new one has now opened there which Zara has got a job at.
A few of the women we worked with are back working there and it has changed but it will be the same to a degree.
If I were still in Queensgate I would of applied for a job at the blue building. If only to be back ‘home’

I’m not saying that the job I had there was the best, I experienced a lot of work place bulling there, I began cutting myself whilst working there. Really cutting not just the scratches on my skin like I had in high school.
The work place itself was like an extension of high school. The company we worked for prided itself on it’s being a fun workplace to work in as well as being a place that had a great work life balance.
When I started there I was nineteen so the place applied to me, I had recently done three months in out bound (cold calling) and the job I started there at was a tempt contract job and I managed to land a permanent job there.
If the culture had stayed the same maybe things would of been okay I don’t really know. However the culture became one of boozes and bullying for some time.
You would go out with your team on a friday night for a drink or twenty and then go back to work on the Monday like nothing had happened. We were young and there was a lot of relationships that happened and a lot of hooking up.
I was not a part of that, of the drinking yes I would drink, the relationships and sex I wasn’t a part of. and that is where the bullying started.

Whilst I write about that part there was also some really great people working there and it was once I started to get out of that team and group of people that I meet other.
I meet Zara through one of the old crowd. and that is a story in itself.
I meet some people who are still my friends now nearly 6 years after we worked together and some nearly 4 years since we last seen each other. This I think has a lot to do with the bond we formed in that place as well as thanks to social media.
I went from myspace and bebo to facebook at that place.
Now Zara is working with some of the old crew and I am jealous to a degree. I miss the people, I miss the views and I miss that building.

So whilst now I am no longer working in call centers (rock on retail!) and I moved over here to be with Drake I kind of want to go back. However my imagination will be better, and I love my life over here more.
Also I don’t want to pick up the baggage that I got at the blue building and the rumors and shit that happened there that haunted me and made me paranoid about people.
Sometimes going back is not the answer.

 

– Alyce 6th August 2014 2:11pm

Sorry for you loss

One of our acquaintances Mum passed away a few days ago and I don’t know what to say, really I don’t I hate saying sorry for your loss, my condolences and such I feel it is not enough and you get sick of hearing it and then the not knowing what or how to reply as thankyou doesn’t feel right.
I write this as my personal experience my Dad died just after I turned 14 and my Mum died before I turned 17.
This year marks the tenth year of not having a Mum (alive) and next year I will f lived more than half my life not having a Dad alive.
I have freaked out a few people and work colleagues in that I can say that my parents are dead so matter of factly like I would ask them to pass me a paper bag or something. However I am so used to not having my parents around that it just is for me. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss them because I do, it’s just that I am used to them not being here.
Maybe it’s because I bottle emotions and feeling up I really don’t know.
When I was falling for Drake I wondered what my Mum and Dad would think of him, if Mum would like his sexy accent or not, Would he and Dad go sit in a corner and discuss electronics and mobile phones?
For me it was easier to picture what Mum would be like; She would make him a cup of coffee and talk with him, She would say something to make him squirm and to welcome him to the family but she would joke with him and make him laugh.
Dad on the other hand I have no idea. Dad died in 2001, he had only just got a mobile phone at the age of sixty five and thought it and he were the bees knees for knowing how to use it and for having one. It was a CDMA phone and whilst today it would be classed as a brick and other such words back then it was a new model and a great phone.
So I can see Drake and Dad discussing technology and how things have changed, not in a back in my day kind of way in a how does this work, how can I repair it, wow technology is moving along fast – would this be a good phone for me/us?
Added to that I only have childlike memories of my Dad so can’t really imagine him as an adult and having an adult conversation with him, same as with my Mum.

My Aunty who took custody of me after Mum passed away as per Mum and Dad’s will is the one who vetted and met Drake, she is the one who did the welcome to the family embarrassment prank.
Would Mum or Dad of done it differently?

Mum and Dad missed out on so much and I have missed out on sharing so much with them.
passing VCE, moving countries, boyfriends and friend. My sisters marrage (okay admittly I didn’t attent but I had a choice and that is another story), the birth of my sisters children and any children I may have.
I can’t stir Dad about my older brother looking like him.

I can’t ask Mum questions that I would like to know about her and her growing up.
Dad’s life remains a mystry of his tall stories and the truth.

Even then it’s not just the big things, it’s the little things that I miss Mum and Dad.
I could be out shopping and see something or do something and want to call Mum up and tell her.
It’s sitting on a bus and the old man in front has diamond like wrinkles on the back of his neck just like Dad and I almost cry because I miss Dad.

It’s hearing a song on the radio and it remind me of them. Watching a TV show and knowing they liked it.
Before Dad died there were ads on the TV for a new tv show coming out that he wanted to see, he never did live to see it.

It’s going through old photo albums and not knowing who people are, or seeing old photos and not knowing the story of the moment.

So I am sorry for your loss, time doen’t heal all. It does however make things easier.
Remeber the bad as well as the good. don’t put them on a pedestal as they have higher to fall.
If you want to talk or have a coffee I am here. You can tell me about that thing that always bugged you and you now miss.
Or how you wish you had of got that recipe or story one last time.

Aside

the double standards of pubic hair!

I haven’t had a wax since december last year and apart from trying the Gillette bikini trimmer sometime between Novemeber and January I have been all bushy and furry down below. The only few times this has really been an issue is after going to the toilet and wiping myself and getting toilet paper curled up in fuzz or when having a period and having a blood clot getting stuck in the fuzz.
When I go swimming I have bathers and a pair of shorts or boardies on to stop chaffing so the bikini line issue is not an issue for me.

So since moving over here to be with Drake I’ve only received oral once! once! and I am a fan of it. The man I must say has a talent for it and to which ever ex taught him I owe you my thanks ;P  So the other  night getting in to some heavy petting and boobs were getting some action so I though hello can maybe 69 or something… yeah that wasn’t happening cause I need to shave or wax down below!
umm excuse me boyfriend of mine I give you head on a regular bases, I enjoy sucking your dick But don’t enjoy getting YOUR pubic hair in my mouth or feel like I am gagging on a pube. But how dare I have pubic hair and want oral.
So if and when I do get a wax I am expecting so much oral from you that I won’t be able to walk straight for a month! that you will need a straw to be able to drink a vitiamized meal as your mouth and tongue will be so sore from  eating me out!

Now I realise that we had made a deal that I would keep the bush at bay and you would keep the beard at bay, and I have not been living up to my end of the bargain. However I counter with the fact that shaving regrowth is a itchy nightmare to deal with and makes me look like I have crabs with my hand down my crotch scratching. The waxing the I prefer and don’t have any issue with getting in relation to pain has had the issue of affordability. My not having the hours that I need and the industry I work in being minimum wage mean that there are a few things that are treats for myself. The extra I have spent has gone towards getting shelves for our room and for the lounge.
Now don’t get me wrong I actually in the few times I have been waxed enjoyed it, even the one time where I had bite marks on my hand cause it hurt was still enjoyable. I love the result I love that when I have a period I don’t get bloodclots stuck to hairs, I enjoy the smoothness of my mound.  Also the thing I love about after getting waxed is the oral sex you give me.
However I am thinking if for me to get oral I have to wax maybe it’s time you should wax to get oral as well, I mean it’s only fair as you don’t like getting pubes stuck in your mouth and I don’t either.
What you don’t want to because it hurts? Well then the easy fix is to deal with the fact that sometimes I can’t afford a wax so will have a hair bush and I would like to be eaten out just like you who has a hairy patch would love to be sucked off.

love Alyce 10:58pm 1st July 2014