Sorry for you loss

One of our acquaintances Mum passed away a few days ago and I don’t know what to say, really I don’t I hate saying sorry for your loss, my condolences and such I feel it is not enough and you get sick of hearing it and then the not knowing what or how to reply as thankyou doesn’t feel right.
I write this as my personal experience my Dad died just after I turned 14 and my Mum died before I turned 17.
This year marks the tenth year of not having a Mum (alive) and next year I will f lived more than half my life not having a Dad alive.
I have freaked out a few people and work colleagues in that I can say that my parents are dead so matter of factly like I would ask them to pass me a paper bag or something. However I am so used to not having my parents around that it just is for me. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss them because I do, it’s just that I am used to them not being here.
Maybe it’s because I bottle emotions and feeling up I really don’t know.
When I was falling for Drake I wondered what my Mum and Dad would think of him, if Mum would like his sexy accent or not, Would he and Dad go sit in a corner and discuss electronics and mobile phones?
For me it was easier to picture what Mum would be like; She would make him a cup of coffee and talk with him, She would say something to make him squirm and to welcome him to the family but she would joke with him and make him laugh.
Dad on the other hand I have no idea. Dad died in 2001, he had only just got a mobile phone at the age of sixty five and thought it and he were the bees knees for knowing how to use it and for having one. It was a CDMA phone and whilst today it would be classed as a brick and other such words back then it was a new model and a great phone.
So I can see Drake and Dad discussing technology and how things have changed, not in a back in my day kind of way in a how does this work, how can I repair it, wow technology is moving along fast – would this be a good phone for me/us?
Added to that I only have childlike memories of my Dad so can’t really imagine him as an adult and having an adult conversation with him, same as with my Mum.

My Aunty who took custody of me after Mum passed away as per Mum and Dad’s will is the one who vetted and met Drake, she is the one who did the welcome to the family embarrassment prank.
Would Mum or Dad of done it differently?

Mum and Dad missed out on so much and I have missed out on sharing so much with them.
passing VCE, moving countries, boyfriends and friend. My sisters marrage (okay admittly I didn’t attent but I had a choice and that is another story), the birth of my sisters children and any children I may have.
I can’t stir Dad about my older brother looking like him.

I can’t ask Mum questions that I would like to know about her and her growing up.
Dad’s life remains a mystry of his tall stories and the truth.

Even then it’s not just the big things, it’s the little things that I miss Mum and Dad.
I could be out shopping and see something or do something and want to call Mum up and tell her.
It’s sitting on a bus and the old man in front has diamond like wrinkles on the back of his neck just like Dad and I almost cry because I miss Dad.

It’s hearing a song on the radio and it remind me of them. Watching a TV show and knowing they liked it.
Before Dad died there were ads on the TV for a new tv show coming out that he wanted to see, he never did live to see it.

It’s going through old photo albums and not knowing who people are, or seeing old photos and not knowing the story of the moment.

So I am sorry for your loss, time doen’t heal all. It does however make things easier.
Remeber the bad as well as the good. don’t put them on a pedestal as they have higher to fall.
If you want to talk or have a coffee I am here. You can tell me about that thing that always bugged you and you now miss.
Or how you wish you had of got that recipe or story one last time.

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