Friendship & Respect

So here’s what happened with Nicola and  Evan.
I called Nicola and asked if we could Skype, I was in tears after yet again being attacked by Evan and was just over it all.
Nicola said she would be home in about half an hour.

I had screenshots of the conversations and I was emotional.
I asked could she say something to him, does he realise that Drake is not the Drake she was dating earlier in the year and the father of her eldest child?
She wanted to tell me and show me her new puppy.
I told her I was getting afraid when I received a message on Facebook that it would be him and I would have to deal with more abuse and crap.
oh look puppy.
This continued for about half an hour of me on the verge of tears and trying to tell her what I felt and I was sick of the crap from her boyfriend, and her just not getting it or else her telling me maybe to stop the abuse Drake should comment on her stuff on my account… um what would that solve? and we have separate accounts and have friends who overlap and we discuss personal or sometimes confidential stuff with our friends and this isn’t going to stop Evan.
Drake watching me as I look at the computer at my best friend and around her house on Skype comes over and stands behind me, wraps an arm around my shoulders and then in his angry voice tells her that this is ridiculous I am supposed to be her friend, she needs to talk to her partner or set some boundaries on him, or something.
Drake is one of the calmest people I know, he doesn’t yell and our nearly 3 years of dating that’s the first time I have heard him raise his voice and sound pissed off.

That was a Thursday night, Friday night I see her status that she can’t wait to see her sexy loving boyfriend over the weekend.

Saturday comes when he is with her I am still getting messages and abuse.

My blood boils, I realise I mean what feels like nothing to her, I set her profile to restricted and turn off her from showing in my news feed.
I wait for something from her, anything, a ‘hey whats happening’ or a ‘how was your weekend’ nothing.

So I quietly left her in restricted and posted this to Facebook before unfriending her and cutting ties with her:

________________________________________________

Alyce: I feel like last week I learnt my value to some people and sadly I am less valued than I thought I was.

However lesson has been learnt, and maybe in the future you will realised the friendship you have lost.

I know had the shoe been on the other foot I would of valued you and your friendship more.

Comments:

Bell:  love u!! Xxooxx

Alyce: thanks Bell *hugs*

Bell *hugs*

Carlton: yes …

Cher: Their loss they have lost a wonderful person u have many others that value your friendship

Alyce: Thank you Cher *hugs*

Marta: I am here xx

Alyce: Thank you Marta ♡

Ryn: i`m sorry i didn`t catch up with you and i do value your friendship.

Alyce: This wasn’t about you Ryn you are loved and valued.

*hugs*

Alyce: This is about someone who I trusted and valued as a friend a really close friend, who I would of took a bullet for, who this last fortnight I realize what I mean to them.

She can’t see this post as she is in the restricted purgatory of Facebook and I doubt she has noticed.
Her abusive partner has been blocked and in a few weeks she will be unfriended and blocked herself.

Sister-in-law: It’s a painful thing realising you are more invested in a relationship than the other person  I’ve found moving and having kids the biggest revelations as to who cares and who just takes, better to know than be taken advantage of xo

Alyce: It’s painful and has been a blow.

Alice: We’ll always be partners in crime

Alyce: We sure will be Alice

Louise: You’re not talking about who I think you are?

Alyce: I maybe Louise.

I’m not naming them.
But I’m over the abuse of her partner to both Drake and I and her just fobbing it off.

Louise: Ok just assuming I know then (it seems pretty obvious) That’s a damn shame after you reconciling from the last time  I thought there seemed something dodgy about that guy even just from seeing his photo and a few comments he made

Patricia: It’s a shame it has come to that.

Alyce: I know some people may screen shot and send this to her.

But at the same time, if your friend is calling in tears and whilst your boyfriend is there for a dirty weekend and still sending your friend abuse then something has to give.

I’m not forcing her to chose as her actions she’s chosen him already.
Maybe one day years from now she will realise who she lost because of him.

Patricia: If anyone sends this to her then they are not worth your friendship.

Louise: You’ve always seemed to have your head screwed on right Alyce. I think sometimes people can just be blinded by puppy love and not see the truth, loose their way and forget about friends, sad really. Especially once it becomes an abusuve relationship, they have a way of cutting you off from friends without you even realising it. But I hope she knows this guy well enough to be having him around the kids

Alyce: I’ve posted that 8 warning signs of an abusive relationship and could already get him on 6.

I told her each one but yes she is blinded by puppy love.

The kids like him but are seeing him at his best.

I wouldn’t trust him personally.

Bell: So sad that i see so many people letting their boyfriend take 24/7 priority and their friends who have always been there lpse out  hopefully if she is in an abusinve relationship she figures it out before something really bad happens. I wasnt so lucky and had to do alot of healing, physically and psychologically, but at least i never let him cut me off from my good friends.

______________________________________________
Louise, Patricia, Nicola and I all went to primary and secondary school together.
It was a day later I unfriended Nicola on Facebook and removed her from Skype as well as deleted and blocked her phone number.
I haven’t heard anything from her and that was early December, it’s now late January.
Whilst shopping over the Christmas period and out with friends I would see something and go oh take a photo and send to Nicola, or I should buy that for Nicola she would like it, and then remember that I have cut her out of my life.

It was a tough decision to make and to actually do, but I was over the abuse and it not getting no where.

Maybe I did the wrong thing and should of stuck by her, maybe I did the right thing and got out of a friendship that had turned toxic.
I did what was best for Drake and me.
It was causing fights between us, and me to stress to much.
I was scared to receive messages.

22 years of friendship for a boyfriend of 2 months.
better luck next time.
I guess I need to find a new best friend.

Threats from Evan

My best friend Nicola has got a new boyfriend, they met on facebook. I’m not one to judge that I met Drake on facebook as well.
Nicola and I have been best friends since prep, our first day of school.

Both our families had recently moved to Barkly and neither of us had attended the local kindergarten that funneled the children to that particular primary school (if you attend kinder A you will 90% go to Primary School A, you attend kinder B you will most likely attend school B)

We’ve been through her high shcool boyfriends who were dicks, my highschool boyfriend who she rescued me at 2am from his room before we’d got to the having sex part.

So she broke up with her boyfriend and eldest childs Dad mid way through this year.
She was taking a break from men but wanted sex.

She met a few guys on a dating app and on a facebook singles/swingers group.

Nicola then starts to hook up with a bloke and he seemed a bit odd but his 6 years younger than us and well us girls in our early twenties were odd and quirky.

Then Evan the new boyfriend started to comment and attack any guy who would comment on any of Nicola’s facebook statuses.  Some of these guys commenting were creepers and creeps she had added from the dating site and group, But as they were only fuck buddies and these were the creepers wanting to know what she was wearing and that typa thing I could see where he was coming from.

Then Evan asked her out and they have lots of cutesey coupley photos, in the first month of their dating Nicola found just over a two hundred snapchat photos of naked woman in just that month they had been dating.
For me that was a bit odd, she skyped and had a cry to Drake and I on Skype.
He then introduced her to his Mum as just a friend.

Again I thought that was odd but his from a different culture and I thought odd but if you have an overprotective parent I can understand that.

Most nights or at least twice a week Nicola and I would skype and Drake would be a part of the skpying cause I wouldn’t have a headset on.

Drake and Nicola are also facebook friends and he comments on her statues every so often.
God I think Drake sometimes talks to my friends more than I do sometimes.

So last week on monday after flying back home and getting a bus to Geringhap we were out shopping with my Aunt (me at the lingerie shop, and at Target – how I have missed those stores) and then went to Safeway and Drake said that Evan had messaged him and called him a cunt.
Just out of the blue, got a message, first ever message from Evan as well.
Drake then showed me the messages, Evan had threatened to bash him because he was in Geringhap  and he would get his cousins and they would kick Drakes head in. Drakes turned around and said hey why don’t we get a drink and have a talk.
Then messaged Nicola and said hey I just got these messages from Evan.

My aunt and I are just what the fucking and Aunt said ‘I hope Nicola’s saying something to him cause I see you girls posting how your like sisters and your besties all the time’
I sent a message and asked whats up with Evan. She replied she wasn’t sure and he wasn’t really answering her.

I had to go to court and was spending time with family and only had the monday – friday to see everyone and didn’t get to seeing Nicola due to time restraints, however I did call and message her.

Monday I was at work waiting at the bank as it was my day to do the banking and was flicking through facebook and seen Nicola had posted about hating mornings, went to comment seen Drake had already and then added my two cents worth in as well.

About lunchtime there was a comment on the status from Evan asking ‘why is that prick commenting on you statues still?’
So I asked if Evan if it was about Drake commenting on Nicola’s facebook… providing that only Drake and I had commented it was pretty obvious.
I just told Evan that Drake will be Nicola’s brother in law and that his comment was uncalled for.
he then posts ‘ha hahahahaha no worries!’
I was pissed and replied that it wasn’t funny and that he owed Nicola and Drake and apology for assuming that something was going on and for his abuse.
he then asked what an apology was.
Me steaming posted you called Drake a cunt, threaten to assault him, which is abuse. You also assume something is going on between Drake and Nicola. oh and would you like me to post a definition of what an apology is.

At this time Drake comments a half hour later and is writing the calming stuff of Nicola is stressed atm lets take it easy.

I was on the last hour of my 10 hour shift when I get a message from Evan asking why I had complained to Nicola about him.

So here is the transcript:

Evan: Why did you complAining about me to nicola???

Alyce: Because you are abusing my boyfriend and your jealousy is an issue.

Evan: Your boyfriend can talk for himself!! Nothing to do with you

Ha hahahah

Am I jelly of what??

Alyce: Ever guy that comments on her page.
He is my partner I love and care about and for him.
You are abusing him.
I take umbrige with that.
Your opening message to him calling him a cunt was uncalled for.
Personally you may make Nicola happy. I think you are a dickhead and she could do better.
I won’t be blocking you, however I request you not contact me in future.
Regards Alyce

I haven’t heard from Nicola since early Monday.
I also may of overstepped my boundaries in saying what I said. However I feel it needed to be said.
If I had of been a guy Evan would of threatened to beat me and up with his cousins.

I have faced bigger bullies than him and came out on top and if he wants to get in to a pissing contest of who’s cousins are worse, mine have been to jail and poured boiling hot water down a guys throat in a fight. So yeah bring it, but unlike you I won’t hide behind my cousins or family, I will front up and I will stand my ground and what and who I believe in.

I may lose my best friend, However my greatest fears were to lose my Mum, my Dad and my Sister, I’ve lost them. My Aunt and Drake who I am afraid to lose have my back.
and I can replace a friend as callous as that sounds.

I’ve faced the guy who assaulted me last year in court and had his lawyer victim blame me and make me doubt myself and feel like I was two feet tall.

Evan buddy you got nothing and you don’t scare me.

Gheringhap

TW: Assault, sexual assault, panic attacks, anxiety

I’m to go back to Gheringhap next month I will see my family see my fur babies and see some of my friends, but probably most importantly I will be going to Court.
Just over a year ago I was assaulted by a guy on my way to work.
I had a guy place his hands down my top and bra then fondle my boob. I didn’t go straight to the police, I didn’t go to his employer.  I caught the train the next day to work, an earlier train to avoid seeing him; that didn’t work so well as he was on that train. I had a panic attack, I could not breath, I called my aunt in a panic and knew I had to go to work, I couldn’t catch a bus home and wait for the next train as the next bus was due in an hour and went in to the city and not in to the suburbs where I lived, I couldn’t walk home as that took nearly an hour and I needed to get to work.
I went in to a different carriage than I normally do, I found a seat near people but where I was alone as advised by my aunt. I didn’t want to sit next to someone.
He came along on his rounds with a ticket inspector. He poked me with his walky talky to say ‘Hi’ I was on the phone to my aunt making up a conversation about did she want me to get her some Nespresso today whilst I was in the city, she was on the other end telling me to breath he will be gone soon, and that I am surrounded by people he can’t do anything to you.
I hyperventilate most of the trip to the city, I tried to to cry but had tears streaming down my face. No other passenger paid attention to me and I was kind of glad for that.
Later that day my cousin rang and told me he was taking me to see the police, or else he would smash the guys head in. I know my cousin that was not an idle threat either.

The third day before work, before getting the train, my cousin picked me up from home and we went to the police station to make a report.
My cousin looks like the sort of bloke you make a report against, not the one who sits with you in a room for support.
He listened as I told the officer what had happened, and watched as I cried, I tried not to look at him as I could see he was getting angry and I think regretting the choice and just wanted to bash the guys head in.

 

It was the fifth day that I was finally sat down for a full interview with a detective. I had to go through all the details, I drew diagrams of places and listed who I had first told.
I didn’t tell him that that day was meant to be a really happy and amazing day I was being featured on a page I love and follow, I had been looking forward to that day for a fortnight, and the guy had ruined that day for me.
I can’t look at that feature anymore without thinking what happened the day it was released.

For the next month I carried on going to work, attempting to avoid the guy, my friends letting me know what shifts he was on.
However I had changed, I was no longer myself, I was a huggy type of person before – now I couldn’t stand to be touched. I was more quiet and more introverted than before. I still made conversations and talked but it felt like a struggle.

I wasn’t coping though I held it together and I went to counseling after my Team Leader got me someone to talk to as it was effecting my work.

 

I worked on a call center my job was answering the phone and questions and customer support.
It had happened on my way to work.
The next thing I knew I was having panic attacks not just coming to work but at work, going on to the phones, taking calls.
I panicked and I stressed I couldn’t hold it together.

My family and my team leader tried to help, I was given time off work, I was now at the stage I would go to work in the  morning over an hours trip away and be at work for just on two hours and be sent home.
I tried to last until each break, have the break and get back on the phones.
My hours got lowered and I was still struggling.

I still could not hug, I was still introverted more than normal. I was a different person, I was quite and I was not me.

It was now December and I was due to have annual leave soon, Drake would be coming to see me, I had been counting down for months!
I was scared I wouldn’t be able to hug or hold him. I was scared I couldn’t be intimate with him.
I was sleeping with my teddy bear besides me each night, I was waking up during the night spewing my guts up, going back to bed and getting up in the morning struggling to go to work, struggling to hold it together and take calls.
The Monday my team leader gave me the if you hand in your resignation you will get an extra weeks pay.
The Wednesday I had my resignation letter typed up, I was going to leave next month in January, a week back from annual leave and then go.
My team leader said why not leave today, that way you don’t have to stress whilst your on holidays or over Christmas, when I handed her my resignation letter on the Friday.
I called my Aunt and I called Drake.
I said I was quitting that day.
I quit due to health reasons.
It was the first job I had quit where I wasn’t going because the contract I was on had been lost.
I felt lost and afraid, I packed my desk up during the day and got through the day. My team got me a bunch of flowers. No hugs goodbye were given.

I was unemployed now, the only income I had was what was in my meager savings account and was actually meant to help me move and to last when I lived with Drake and was job hunting in a new country.

Drake I am had a great holiday and he stayed an extra week. I knew this kept him from his family and I felt bad about that but at the same time I enjoyed having him with me.

I moved in February to Drake’s country.
I went job hunting, I got an interview for a retail assistant and for working in a call center.
I went for the retail  job as I wanted to try something different and the manager had also offered me a job, I just had to be interviewed by head office, and also I was scared of call centers. After the assault and the following panic attacks I was scared.

The interview for the call center job came, I was in the little interview room, I seen the handset/phone it was the same model I had worked with at my last job.
My chest tightened, I struggled to breath, I tried not to panic, I swallowed back the urge to spew.
I got through the interview – somehow.

I got home and had a list of the pros and cons for both jobs.
The call center job paid better, I had worked in call centers for nearly 10 years, I knew what I was doing.
I would be on a lower pay rate at the retail job, but there would be no panic attacks, no looking at the phone and no urges to spew everywhere.

 

I somehow managed to pass both interviews and get offered both jobs.

 

Health wise and panic attacks I took the lower paying job. I make $8 less an hour that’s minimum $280 a week I am missing out on.
That’s saving for a house, that is saving for a holiday, that is being able to afford new clothes and shoes. It’s being able to get health insurance, new glasses and going to the dentist.

That guy took my profession away from me.
I may not be able to give a victim statement next month, so this is basically it.
He took away my confidence, my trust, my ability to hug and to be comforted, my profession and livelihood.
He took away my ability to get a train without having a fear of being attacked, that finds me not able to relax properly on a train, to feel trapped.

Alyce 22nd October 2014 2:19pm

Nap Required

I’m running on a lack of sleep today so glad that I am not at work today.
yesterday I slept in till midday and then when I woke up I had some toast and spent the day surfing the net till I had to have a shower and get ready for work as I was doing the evening shift which included the close and sending the timesheets to head office to make sure we get paid. Very important job that one.
The four hours I worked were pretty quite the shop has been cleaned and dusted so many times its not funny.
The scary thing is in the four hours I worked I sold more than the guy who worked before me on his six hour shift. If it keeps up at this rate our store will be closed.
I have an interview later this week for another job, which will make my current job a second job as I will cut back to either four or six hours instead of the fifteen hours I get currently.
As much as I would like to stick it out and not have to worry about getting a new job Drake and I just can’t afford for me to not have the cash coming in. I’ve put forward the idea of escort work which Drake has vetoed as he doesn’t want me doing that kind of work, not even erotic massages.
I really want to get this job I have the interview for – it’s retail working 5 days a week and would be a great job.
I would have to learn about the products that they sell and such but that’s not to difficult.

So last night after my shift Drake and I got Macca’s for dinner because we have nothing in the cupboard and he couldn’t be bothered cooking.
Got home and just surfed the web and sat besides each other on the couch and kissed a bit, snuggled and he nuzzeled me with his beard.
I went to be a tad before midnight, 3:50am I woke up needing to go to the toilet and Drake was still awake on his laptop. He had been gaming most the night so just thought he was still gaming. Told him its nearly four you have work in a few hours time. I Crawled back in to bed (warm snuggly bed) then about twentyfive minutes later Drake comes in to bed. We were spooning and he was nuzzlering me with the beard so I rolled over and the way he was laying my boobs were in his face and he nuzzeled them with the beard, however I had a top on so I took my top of and he nuzzeled more and I moved a breast into his mouth and he sucked at it.
Lent down and he was hard, so I rubbed his cock with my hand for a minute and then managed to get my pajama pants off whilst trying to keep boobs in his mouth. Was not an easy task and then we had some freaking amazing sex.
I spent most of it on top with Drake sucking and biting my boobs. It ended with him cumming over my right tit.
I got up had a quick wash of myself in the shower and then crawled back into bed it was after five am then, Drake went and had a wash in the shower after me.
So he sat in bed and I lay in bed he was on his tablet as he couldn’t sleep and I was too awake to sleep even though I tried.
We ended up getting about half an hours sleep at most and Drake went to work early and will come home tonight and crash.
My alarm went off at 8am, I am now waiting on a Skype call from my family back home, which will be between 8am-1pm my time. So far I have got the dishwasher on, got one load of washing half done (it’s washed, it’s currently in the drier) and another load of washing in the machine.
think I will leave my phone on and have a nap on the couch.

 

Alyce – 9th June 2014 11:49am

mags like me

My local adult shop has got some new porn magazines in, and ones that are not from the year 2000 (okay so it’s from the year 2004 but that’s 10 years ago :/ ) I digress sorry or in a language other than English. The part that I love is that they have BBW* porn 😀 I am a BBW, I’m between 120kg-130kg so I am a big girl myself add to that Drake likes big girls and his favorite porn is bbw or big breasted women**. I handed over my $14 and got a magazine and next pay day I am getting another magazine. Why? because fuck it turns Drake on and it turns me on and it spices up our sex lives.
Poor Drake I was flicking through the magazine and he was playing a game on his phone and seen what I was looking at so I just flicked the pages for him to see what I was seeing and he was hard and turned on.

I rubbed his hard cock and played innocent and asked if he liked my new magazine. He was yes I like it a lot as you can tell.

Yes I did get sex but later on in the day 😀

But that was not the goal, the goal was to explore stuff that we both like, Drake can be a tad more conservative or vanilla than I can. I like to and want to explore.
I like watching BBW porn because the women are like me. Well maybe not as fat as me however the have jiggly bits, they have fat, you can hear the slapping of skin and see rolls move.
Photos bellies are shown, there are rolls.

 

 

 

* BBW stands for Big Beautiful Woman/Women
** Not a BBW

Quality vs Quantity

So I have a higher sex drive than Drake which I am learning to live with. Don’t watch anything that makes me wet or porn, don’t read erotica, don’t day dream, don’t go to sex shops etc. yeah nah I am not coping all that well and am sexually frustrated.
Twice last week I ended up rubbing one out.
I have told Drake that next time we have sex I won’t initiate it, he will have to initiate.
I am normally the one to initiate our sex however it’s frustrating that I do, and also means that I am at some times questioning my worth and my attractiveness as well as my sex appeal.

Drake wants quality sex over quantity. I want quantity.
It may be that when we first started dating I was a virgin and had no experance, where as he had some experience in the sack. I don’t know, I feel like a nympho having the higher sex drive and come next payday  I will be buying myself a glass dildo to take care of some of my needs.

The last couple of weeks though Drake has been sick as have I so I also have to take this in to consideration, however even when we were doing long distance and would go away together and catch up there was always a lack of sex.
I have discussed it with him a number of times and his response is quality not quantity. My response is tears of sexual frustration.

Also when we were on holiday at christmas time I also did some pouty sulking to get some sex. I hated that it worked and I hated that I did that, however at the same time it was still good sex I was still happy and he was satisfied.
Whilst I am no gymnast I still have a few tricks and skills that manage to satisfy.

So at the moment I will take quantity over quality unless we have a regular one a week minimum then I will take quality.
Until then I am just going to sit here sexually frustrated.

ps didn’t help that this morning when we went to bed Drake was hard and I looked down at the bulge in his boxes and was just about drooling and found it difficult to go to sleep.

– Alyce 9:46pm 9th March 2014

Vanilla

So I started a bit late in the sex game, I wasn’t a teen when my cherry was popped I was less than a month shy of 25.
I’ve only ever been with the one man, who I now live with and who is my boyfriend.

I’ve always been intrigued by sex and fetishes this has led me to join a few facebook groups that were rather different to my taste so that I could learn. (nappy fetish/ feet and leg fetish) as well as joining a few groups that exchanged ‘naughty’ pictures of ourselves.
I did this under an alias because I wanted to keep some privacy – says the woman who posted nude pics.
It’s  not that I am afraid or ashamed of my body, it’s that I don’t want the ramifications that come from being known for that side of my life, the disappointment of my family and judgement.
So I start a sexblog. yep smart move Alyce.

So Drake and I have been together for 2 years now and prior to dating me he was in a relationship for 7 1/2 years with Megan. I haven’t asked about his sexual experiences with her or what she was like in the sack. Am I curious yes and very tempted to ask which one day I will. just not today.
I on the other had had no experience not even oral so what I know I’ve learnt from erotica, cleo, cosmo, books and sexblogs as well as from talks with my friends.
I don’t claim to be the worlds best lover or a sexpert far from it.

What I am is a vanilla woman who would like to try more, however Drake is more vanilla than I so for the moment there is no trying.
Drake turns a couple of shades of red walking into a sex shop, he is slowly getting used to walking into one at least twice a week now since I got a job at an adult shop.

This is not a blog about my work in an adult shop though. this is a blog about reviews of books, porn movies, life and general stuff.

 

– Alyce 9th March 1:05 am