Ghost of Girlfriends Past part two

Last week Drake and I were walking to the train station and I was discussing with him something that his parents said to me how they expected more from me in relation to getting him to shave his beard off and with eating vegetables such as onion, celery, mushroom, zucchini and such.
I asked Drake what was different about me in comparision to his ex girlfriends apart from the fact that I am a different nationality. Also the fact that Drake’s Mum and Dad should know how stubborn he is as he is their son and they have had to deal with his stubborn streak far longer than  I have.

I don’t know if it’s because we live together, the fact that Drake is older or what it is that I have that the exes don’t have.

Part of the reason I love Drake is his stubbornness (unless I am having to deal with it and going against the stubbornness of his).
I fell inlove with the Drake I know, if I were able to change him he wouldn’t be the man I fell inlove with. However the challenge of getting him to eat some vegetables and healthy is one I am attempting to win, with out much luck.

Maybe it’s lucky I don’t know about the exes, but at the same time Drake knows about mine as I am pretty open about them both.
It’s bad enough I guess that I do wonder about the exes and have an imaginary image of what these woman are or were like to compare myself with. Do I measure up to them?  not all the time, sometimes they come out better than me.
I’ve always had a pretty low self esteem opinion of myself though, which I hide amazingly well. So the fact that I imagine the exes as better than myself is nothing startling. I imagaine though that they got more sex ignatioated by Drake though, and that he was a more kissey person with them.

really I have to stop comparing myself to these ghosts.

Nap Required

I’m running on a lack of sleep today so glad that I am not at work today.
yesterday I slept in till midday and then when I woke up I had some toast and spent the day surfing the net till I had to have a shower and get ready for work as I was doing the evening shift which included the close and sending the timesheets to head office to make sure we get paid. Very important job that one.
The four hours I worked were pretty quite the shop has been cleaned and dusted so many times its not funny.
The scary thing is in the four hours I worked I sold more than the guy who worked before me on his six hour shift. If it keeps up at this rate our store will be closed.
I have an interview later this week for another job, which will make my current job a second job as I will cut back to either four or six hours instead of the fifteen hours I get currently.
As much as I would like to stick it out and not have to worry about getting a new job Drake and I just can’t afford for me to not have the cash coming in. I’ve put forward the idea of escort work which Drake has vetoed as he doesn’t want me doing that kind of work, not even erotic massages.
I really want to get this job I have the interview for – it’s retail working 5 days a week and would be a great job.
I would have to learn about the products that they sell and such but that’s not to difficult.

So last night after my shift Drake and I got Macca’s for dinner because we have nothing in the cupboard and he couldn’t be bothered cooking.
Got home and just surfed the web and sat besides each other on the couch and kissed a bit, snuggled and he nuzzeled me with his beard.
I went to be a tad before midnight, 3:50am I woke up needing to go to the toilet and Drake was still awake on his laptop. He had been gaming most the night so just thought he was still gaming. Told him its nearly four you have work in a few hours time. I Crawled back in to bed (warm snuggly bed) then about twentyfive minutes later Drake comes in to bed. We were spooning and he was nuzzlering me with the beard so I rolled over and the way he was laying my boobs were in his face and he nuzzeled them with the beard, however I had a top on so I took my top of and he nuzzeled more and I moved a breast into his mouth and he sucked at it.
Lent down and he was hard, so I rubbed his cock with my hand for a minute and then managed to get my pajama pants off whilst trying to keep boobs in his mouth. Was not an easy task and then we had some freaking amazing sex.
I spent most of it on top with Drake sucking and biting my boobs. It ended with him cumming over my right tit.
I got up had a quick wash of myself in the shower and then crawled back into bed it was after five am then, Drake went and had a wash in the shower after me.
So he sat in bed and I lay in bed he was on his tablet as he couldn’t sleep and I was too awake to sleep even though I tried.
We ended up getting about half an hours sleep at most and Drake went to work early and will come home tonight and crash.
My alarm went off at 8am, I am now waiting on a Skype call from my family back home, which will be between 8am-1pm my time. So far I have got the dishwasher on, got one load of washing half done (it’s washed, it’s currently in the drier) and another load of washing in the machine.
think I will leave my phone on and have a nap on the couch.

 

Alyce – 9th June 2014 11:49am

Only 3 days

One of the few things about me is that I don’t cope with being on my owe all that well.
I’ve never lived by myself, the only times I’ve had to myself is when family was sick in hospital or on holiday so never more than a week alone by myself.
Next weekend both Drake and the housemate are going away, Drake to his friends for their annual boys gaming weekend and the housemate because he is maybe to see his kids I don’t know and haven’t asked.
So that means three or four days alone in the apartment by myself. No pets, no people, no nothing.

Before when I lived back home I could call Drake and talk to him until he or I fell asleep but now I can’t do that.
Sure it means I will be able to cook with mushrooms and onions and zucchini but it’s not the same I won’t have my family to enjoy my cooking and I won’t have Drake or the housemate to talk to and with being on reduced hours at work I will just be staring at my computer screen when I should be writing. I am struggling to write a short book.
Will have to get Drake to download me some shows or resend him the list of shows I would like downloaded…. again!

Maybe I will get a call back from one of the jobs I applied for though and the when Drake gets back surprise him with the good news I have a second job.
Maybe I could skype some of my friends back home.
Maybe I could test out my rabbit vibrator properly.
Maybe I will cope being home alone, it’s only 3 days.
maybe not :/

Aside

I’m sitting here with the Veronica’s playing on youtube I have set myself a challenge to write something tomorrow of a thousand words.
Other goal I have set myself tomorrow is to clean the house, fix my resume and apply for the 2 jobs I have my eye on.

I am struggling to finish reading New Zealand Most Sexy book 2 and it’s frustrating me, not sexually frustrating me but frustrating me that I haven’t finished the book yet.

I think that I feel like I am losing control of my job and just in general that I need to relax, make sure I take my antidepressants and not let myself get overwhelmed.
I need to not find myself but to find away to cope properly. I don’t like talking to a physiologist or anyone professionally however I need to find an outlet to vent and to do something.Even if that is writing more. We don’t have the space for me to get too crafty like I used to be (jewellery making, scrapbooking etc) I am not limited by imagination just my available space.

Alyce – 28th May 2014 10:45pm

Ghosts of girlfriends past

Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
Cause I’m Mr. Brightside

The Killers – Mr. Brightside

I was a virgin when we meet and when we got together, I knew that Drake was not, I knew he had an ex – someone prior to me. I knew her name but never knew what she looked like, and it was this fear that she would be prettier and better than me that prevented me from looking through Drake’s facebook photos. What if I seen her and didn’t know it or what if I saw her and she was everything I am not?

Part of the reason I knew I was falling in love with Drake or at the very least had feelings for him was because she Megan comments on one of Drake’s statuses about feeling sick and I was urging him to go see a doctor and to take some pain killers.
She commented that he would listen to me and not to her. I was jealous of her and that he would listen to her and then ‘oh my gosh he would listen to me!?!’ mind you Drake made it no secret he had a crush/fancied me, but it took her comment for me to be jealous and wish and hope that he would think of me that way and noone else. I was jealous! as much as I tried to kid myself I fancied Drake back. The proof was the small fact I was jealous which had not happened before except in year seven when I was jealous that the guy in my class I had a crush on had a crush on my best friend.
I was jealous of the way they knew each other and had a history, that they had shared something – I was unsure what but knew that I wanted that closeness with Drake.

Since Megan also had a picture of a meme cat as her profile picture and her privacy settings locked down I also had no idea what she looked like (the only photo of Drake and another girl on his facebook account was at least a good five or so years old and it wasn’t even a kissy type of photo so she could just be a random friend) So I was jealous of what I imagined her to be;prettier than me, a fatphobic comment she had made of one of Drake’s posts meant she was thinner than me, smart, she had shared links  on his wall and in her comments she was witty and funny – sort of the type of girl maybe I could be friends with, but Drake loved or had loved her?!

Drake and I started dating and last year he commented on a photo of Megan (Drake and I were still doing long distance) and the photo had two woman and a guy in it, Megan was not tagged. The two woman both looked normal, average, everyday, they were not models, they were just women the kind you see on the street everyday, they were both a bit chubby (I was – and still am bigger than both).
My little sister who loves to facebook and google stalk I called and asked her to check out the photo and see if she could tell which was Megan and if she was prettier than me.
My sister in only the way sisters and best friends can reassured me that I was prettier (I didn’t believe her as I have low self esteem when it comes to how I look – I act and seem quite confident, on the inside I feel like an ugly hideous beast) and that regardless of what Megan looked like Drake loves me and is dating me, she is in the past. Ah little sister can be smart sometimes 😛
And so I gave up on that of thought and jealousy that Megan was and is some goddess from the heavens and that I should cower in her shadow.

 

So just prior to going away and whilst having a touch of the flu which kept me awake and made sleeping difficult I was thinkin about Drake and was curios to how many sexual partners he had had. The debate in my head raged a bit and I asked him whilst he was asleep. Which I tend to do I ask asleep Drake questions before I ask awake Drake in a weird roll play to try to word things and get it right.
So as we were laying in bed one night just after I had turned of the light I asked Drake and he said two others, and I confirmed so I was/am his third and he said yes, then I asked if Megan was his first, no.
I wanted to do a happy dance as silly as that sounds. I know that Drake being my first serious boyfriend that sometimes I do not have that prior experience to draw from. But I did not want it to be Megan that he lost his virginity to as silly and stupid as it sounds.

I know that love and relationships are not a compertition and I know sometimes in my head I sound competitive of Megan which I try not to but for me she is the ex girl friend and the one Drake broke up with a few weeks or a month prior to meeting and falling for me, I don’t want to be a rebound He means too much to me and I love him more than I can put in to word.
Rebounds to me damn stereotyping are the relationships that don’t work.

 

– Alyce 23rd May 2014 5:37 am

Aside

Image

 

The above picture is Erotic Redemption of the Self by Laurion which many many years ago when I was in my late teens early twenties discovered this photo it did things for me that I was not accustomed to, When I was learning the difference between erotica and porn.

I was chatting to some friends in Google Hangout and we were discussing deviant art, this image popped back in to my mind. There are about 5 pictures on deviant art that have really stuck in my mind over all these years and this is one of the main ones.
It helped me on my way to masturbation and not seeing it as something icky and wrong for a girl/women to do.

So thank you to Laurion for this image and helping me on my way to womanhood ❤

not so dirty weekend away

So this weekend and week have the house to ourselves cause housemate is away and traveling. Sex count so far once I think then I started to feel sick :/ sad panda 😥
This weekend we are traveling to a game event so weekend away but cause I am getting less hours at work and we can’t afford a hotel on Drake’s credit card we are staying at his parents so no dirty weekend away like I would like. Although last time we stayed at his parents place he received the most amazing blow job ever! I have still not been able to top that blow job which makes me wonder was part of the appeal that made it so great because we were at his parents and meant to be sleeping before we flew back home?!?

Will I try to give another amazing blow job? hell yeah it’s me Alyce of course I will try, Drake just doesn’t know it… or maybe he does 😉 We have carry on luggage only so will pack so nice lingerie and some normal clothes and see what happens.